If you struggle to feel passionate about anything and look at people who do with a slightly green tinge on your face, don’t worry too much. You are not alone. This is something many people struggle with, and not just former JWs!  

However, former JWs do face a unique set of circumstances that make finding something they are really interested in just that bit harder than it is for ‘normal’ folk. Part 1 of this article will unpack these challenges and explain why it is that former JWs may struggle to know what they are passionate about. Part 2 will delve into ways that can help you find out what you are passionate about, either as a hobby or a career.

Why ex-JWs may struggle to find their passion

1. The JW religion and culture squashes any passion other than what is directed at them

The number one reason why it is hard for former JWs to know what they are passionate about is because they were quite simply never allowed to find out. In all those personality-forming years, JW kids are out witnessing, doing family worship, preparing for and attending meetings and conventions, and giving talks. They can only be friends with other Witness kids, and they can only do activities that the organisation approves of.

JW children are not out exploring their own interests and they are actively discouraged from developing any. Sport and other extra-curricular activities are just unnecessary time spent with ‘bad associations’. Having a poster up in your room is a form of idolatry (so don’t dare find anything so interesting that you even want a poster about it!). Pursuing higher education or developing a skill or talent will just take you away from ‘the Truth’. The list of manipulations is endless, and it is all to convince JW kids of one thing: The only thing worthy of your attention, the only thing you should ever be interested in, is being a good JW.    

In a ‘normal’ family which is not under the influence of a high-control group, parents support and encourage their kids to form interests. But for JW kids, this normal part of childhood where you get to explore what makes you, you, is simply squashed and told that it has no right to exist. As a result, not only is it hard to know what we are interested in outside of the religion, we also find it hard to allow ourselves to be interested in anything which would formerly have been considered so ‘frivolous’.   

2. Lack of time and money for pursuing personal interests

Even if you were that kid who, despite everything that the religion threw at you, had a fascination for something and wanted to pursue it, it is likely that you didn’t have the time, and your family almost certainly didn’t have the money.

By the time any JW ticks all of the required boxes to be considered ‘spiritual’, there is very little time left over for your own pursuits. Meetings, witnessing, family studies, meeting preparation, school work and homework, or later, holding down a job, all take precedence over doing anything ‘fun’, so you learnt never to prioritise things you enjoy. It was all about hard work. If you weren’t working hard, there was something wrong with you. If you were enjoying yourself too much, there was something wrong with you. If you were finding life a bit too easy, this was just a sign that you needed to do more in ‘the Truth’.

The JW culture of putting the kingdom first also likely meant that you/your family/parents never had the money for you to pursue whatever it was that interested you anyway. They possibly worked jobs which earned just enough money to cover the essentials, so any interests you may have been allowed to pursue had to be inexpensive, or free. Finding things that don’t involve ‘bad associations’, don’t take up too much (meaning any) time, and are free, really doesn’t leave much room for exploration of natural interests and talents. A good JW-approved book without any sex, spiritism, violence, or humour anyone?

3. Being in a group with ‘all the answers’ saps your curiosity

This is something one of my university lecturers raised with me after I revealed to him that I was studying with the JWs. Aside from being totally freaked out that I was going to give my life to an organisation that undervalues women, he was really concerned that it would squash my natural curiosity to learn. And as time went on, it turns out he was right. The organisation does undervalue women, no surprises there, it just took me some time to realise that, but it also really did crush my curiosity. The judgement I experienced for ever doing anything or sharing anything that expressed curiosity or my own genuine opinion was so great, that I gradually retreated into myself.

I remember being in a witnessing car group one day and sharing that I was finding the social psychology unit I was currently studying at university absolutely fascinating. One of the ‘sisters’ simply could not understand how learning anything outside of the religion could possibly be useful, let alone social psychology. So I shared a few things I had recently learnt in the hope of arousing her interest. From memory it was about conforming in the context of group psychology (things like ‘groupthink’). She was extremely dismissive and snappily asked, ‘When would you even use that?’. I smiled to myself and said, ‘Every day’. The irony of that exchange hits even harder now.

I felt like I needed to stick up for every thought or opinion I ever expressed which didn’t fit their pattern. It was exhausting, and it didn’t take me long to realise that it was just not worth sharing anything outside of what they wanted to hear. So I stopped trying. By the time I disassociated I had isolated myself so much that I hardly recognised myself. What was worse though, was that this continual judgement and condemnation had started to erode my own natural curiosity. Just as my lecturer had predicted.

The mentality which comes with having all the answers leaves no room to be curious. All you need to do is tick your boxes and you will have everything you could want. Approval from God? Done. A perfect life in paradise? Done. All the answers to life’s big questions? Served on a platter. Everything you need to know is dished up to you. Go beyond that, and you will be judged harshly. Why could you possibly want to know about things you don’t need to know about? What good will that do you? How could you possibly care about things that don’t matter? You already have all the answers, so why bother?

There is nothing about any of this that encourages anyone to want to explore anything.

4. After you have been part of the battle for Universal Sovereignty, anything else can seem a bit pointless

When you leave the religion, everything you once thought was meaningful and worth sacrificing your life for is now gone. You had previously been involved in a battle for life and death. Universal Sovereignty. Everything you did was seen in that light, even down to really small things like not sleeping in so you made it to the field service group on time. Everything is part of being on God’s side by showing Satan that he is a liar. This is part of the allure of this religion: To give your life meaning by supporting God in this battle.

Even though we now know it was all lies to keep us enslaved to a human organisation, anything that comes along afterwards is still going to have very big shoes to fill. The army of angels that once cheered your decision to get up and go out witnessing is now gone. There is now no fanfare, no satisfaction from proving Satan a liar by doing heroic things like refusing to eat someone’s birthday cake. It is now just you. Finding your way in a world you were told is hostile. Finding your way in a world you were not prepared for. The religion literally could not have done more to set us up to fail after we leave.

The reality is though, that most things in life will not meet such an incredibly high bar. Most things are actually not about life and death, and most things you do will not be worthy of applause from a cast of a thousand angels or be a deciding factor in a universal struggle between good and evil. So yes, it’s natural that things could seem a bit pointless by comparison. But, now that your life is about you, rather than you living in a way that is somehow tied to a cosmic battle between two ridiculously powerful entities who apparently seem focused on your every move, guess what? You can now finally, and truly, just be yourself. Possibly for the first time. There is nothing pointless about that.

Until Part 2!

Renee  :o)