It is hard to know where to start with the damaging and controlling practices of my former religion, but Adam Harvey and the team at the ABC (Australia) recently gave it a good go in the Four Corners episode: ‘Escaping Jehovah’s Witnesses: Inside the dangerous world of a brutal religion’. They covered a lot in the 47 minute program, from sexual repression and child sexual abuse, to the judicial system and shunning practices that cut former members off from family and friends.

There is another harmful aspect however which I think was more than worthy of a mention. It is a situation made possible by the ‘two witness rule’ (which also received some coverage during the Australian Royal Commission into Child Sex Abuse), in combination with an archaic translation of biblical grounds for obtaining a divorce, along with the Jehovah’s Witness system of establishing judicial committees to judge the ‘guilt’ or ‘repentance’ of wrongdoers, namely: when JW members are legally divorced but unable to remarry.

Only fellow ex JWs would believe me if I said that today, in 2022, there are people who despite being granted a legal divorce by their country’s judicial system, cannot re-partner or re-marry without being hauled in front of another kind of ‘judicial committee’ made up solely of religious men, subjected to relentless, invasive, questioning, then, if deemed unrepentant, cast out from their community, their reputation in tatters, and shunned by their family and friends.

Most people do not realise that Jehovah’s Witnesses are subjected to a parallel judicial system: One of which is legal and endorsed by parliamentary statutes and applies to the entire nation, the other is based on out-of-date biblical teachings and enforced by a self-appointed Governing Body of eight or nine uneducated men based in New York. All Jehovah’s Witnesses must accept the authority of this Governing Body as the sole channel of God’s voice on earth, and if they don’t, they are cast out and shunned. This Governing Body says that there is only one ‘scriptural grounds’ for divorce: adultery (based on Matthew 19:9). And if you can’t prove this occurred with the testimony of two witnesses (based on Deuteronomy 19:15) you are trapped in that marriage. Irreconcilable differences are not enough. Domestic violence is not enough. Being raped is not enough. Someone has to have slept with someone else, and you must be able to prove it, otherwise you are both trapped in that marriage until one of you dies.

If you are ‘lucky’ enough to have a wandering spouse who confesses to the elders, then you are in the clear and a ‘scriptural divorce’ will be granted. However, the person who did the sleeping around will be subjected to relentless and invasive questioning, particularly if it happens to be the woman. The guilty party is hauled in front of an all-male panel of ‘judges’ who expect the right to ask extremely personal questions. No support person or other women are allowed to be present. The purported reason for this intense questioning is for the elders to determine the extent and motivation for the behaviour. If deemed repentant, the person may stay, if unrepentant, the person is cast out (disfellowshipped), which means no contact with family or friends who remain Jehovah’s Witnesses. Either way, stay or go, your reputation is in tatters.   

This is the ‘best-case’ scenario. If there was no sleeping around, or if you can’t prove it, things get even worse. If you want to remain a Jehovah’s Witness, these are your options:

1. Stay in limbo, joined to an organisation you believe is the only true religion but be forever prohibited from having another relationship (only opposite sex relations allowed), unless you want to face harsh questioning from a judicial committee, humiliation and potentially being thrown out and shunned.

2. Have sex with someone just to break free, or confess to it even if you didn’t. This option also comes with the soul-destroying process of interrogation and risk of disfellowshipping and shunning as Option #1.    

3. Hope your spouse gets bored of the situation and eventually sleeps around. Be prepared to sneak about and capture the evidence yourself, or hire a private detective. A photograph proving they slept in the same dwelling overnight is sufficient.

4. Bribe the spouse to sleep around? But what if they do and then don’t confess to it? You are still trapped, and now you are not only broke, but have the added risk of being accused of bribery.

5. Disassociate: This option is when a member leaves of their own accord, but it brings the same consequences of Options #1 and #2.

6. Either you or your spouse dies. If you die faithful, you are guaranteed to be resurrected later, your marriage bonds broken, and you can then re-marry in the ‘New world’. 

In two years of watching and reading ex-JW material, this particular aspect of the judicial system barely gets a mention. But, if I personally knew of four women and one man in this impossible situation (as well as hearing second-hand of many others), how many more are there?

Note: Names in the following stories have been changed.  

Elise was a ‘born-in’ JW ‘sister’ who was about 30 years old when we met. Her husband had left her a few years earlier and was now living in another state. She knew he was seeing other women and was not an active JW anymore. Their legal divorce came through about 6 months after I met her, but in the eyes of the religion, Elise was not ‘free’ to re-marry. If she moved on without proving there had been sexual immorality, then she would be the one in the wrong. After years of pleading with her ex to own up and set her free, he still refused. Elise wanted a family of her own and time was ticking, so one day, accompanied by a friend, she flew to the state where he now lived and spied on him. They got the evidence she needed, and the elders finally granted the long awaited ‘scriptural divorce’. It is incredibly hard to believe that there are people going to such extreme lengths to be ‘allowed’ to remarry. It is far more reminiscent of 1950s Britain.

Nancy was a warm and friendly Mediterranean ‘sister’. I had known her since I was a child and shortly before I re-joined her congregation again as an adult, I heard that she had married a ‘brother’ named Les. Some people expressed concerns that it had all happened very quickly, but I met him a few times and he seemed ok on the surface. A few years later he stopped coming along to meetings and one day, I was in a field service car group with Nancy when she took a call from him. Les was yelling down the phone, abusing the hell out of her. I could tell she was mortified that we all heard it, but she kept her cool. After the call ended she calmly explained to us that he had a tendency to get very angry, and later it came out that he had been physically assaulting her.

The elders thankfully allowed her to separate from him and live elsewhere, but she was not ‘free’, as there had not been any sexual immorality. In this way I believe the organisation condones domestic violence. They make it so hard for battered spouses to leave, that many don’t even try. I heard of many other Jehovah’s Witness women staying in unhappy and even violent marriages because it was too hard to leave. I moved away soon afterwards so I am not sure if Nancy filed for a legal divorce or not. Whatever happened, I just hope she is ok. I am not a JW anymore, so it is not possible for me to contact her even to ask how she is.

Kristy and Kyle were a married couple, who had been together for about 8 years by the time I met them. We became friends, and one morning when out witnessing with Kristy, she confided to me about Kyle’s addiction to porn. As a Witness, this is a judicial-committee-worthy sin. Kyle had been working hard to get on top of it, and the elders did know about it. After a few years however, Kristy had had enough, and she eventually left. At the time I disassociated from the organisation (and hence lost touch with them), Kristy and Kyle were separated and heading for divorce, but, without ‘adultery’, neither were considered ‘free’. Both were (and still are) young, in their 30s, and unless one or the other breaks the stalemate, that is how they will stay. Killing time. Faced with Options #1 to #6 above.   

And now to a relative of mine. She has been legally divorced for years and her ex-husband is what can best be described as a psycho. The elders were well aware of the emotional abuse he subjected her to but despite many degrading appeals to them, including showing ample proof of immorality (a result of a personal medical test which indicated he had passed on an STD at one point, as well as phone bill print outs showing his repeated calls to sex lines), this was not enough. They still would not grant her a ‘scriptural divorce’. She is faced with the options above, but as she is extremely devout, she won’t get past Option #1. If she ever meets someone she could potentially love, she will have to say, ‘No thank you’. The so-called ‘loving’ organisation she belongs to will prevent her from having or expressing love in natural and normal ways, for the rest of her life.

None of these kind, genuine, people, realise they are under the coercive control of a harmful organisation. They believe they are in a loving religion who cares about them, that they have ‘the Truth’, and that if they do the ‘right thing’, they will make God happy and be rewarded by having everything they want later, in paradise. They have no idea they are being controlled by fear. This organisation has manipulated its followers to believe that they are God’s only spokesmen on earth, and if you go against them, you will not only make God (Jehovah) sad, but you will be cast out and shunned, bringing reproach on your family and on God’s name, to then die a miserable death at the ever-impending battle of Armageddon (imminent since 1874).

The archaic interpretation of the ‘two-witness rule’ and the passage of scripture which allows only one grounds for divorce, is keeping countless couples in unhappy marriages. In the words of one JW woman I spoke with while witnessing one day, ‘There are plenty of Witness couples out there just waiting for the end’. JWs believe that after Armageddon (the end), all faithful JWs will gradually be brought to perfection, in paradise on earth. This also means that all the issues currently afflicting their marriage will gradually disappear. Until then they can only wait. Wasting their lives away.

These out-of-date doctrines are ruining lives, and regardless of your beliefs about what happens after death, we only get one life which is right here, and right now. Right now, there is only one you. One time which is right now, and one reality which is all yours. There is no time to waste in a helpless limbo, unable to live the life you deserve because you are beholden to an archaic set of practices designed solely to manipulate and control you, through fear. The parallel judicial system of Jehovah’s Witnesses has absolutely no right, legal or otherwise, to insert itself into people’s lives in this way.

The Jehovah’s Witness shunning practices directly contradict the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 16, which states:

‘Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution’.

And also Article 18, which states:

‘Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief’.

The Jehovah’s Witness religion totally ignores these fundamental human rights, and yet somehow enjoys ‘charity status’ in Australia and in many other countries around the world. They have convinced authorities that they are apparently bringing something of public benefit to the community. But how can an organisation which tears apart families, refuses to accept responsibility for child sexual abuse, and forces people to abstain from the natural expression of love between consenting adults, be of public benefit? In my opinion, shunning, the ridiculous ‘two-witness-rule’, and there being only one grounds for a ‘scriptural divorce’, let alone their intolerance of the LGBTIQ+ community, simply must change before this organisation could be considered remotely charitable.

The Governing Body wants all members subjugated and compliant. Fearful of anything on the ‘outside’. But I am a Witness no more. They may still control approximately 8 million followers, but thankfully, they no longer control me.