Being one of Jehovah’s Witnesses affects us all differently. Believe it or not, some of us come through relatively unscathed. Perhaps the unscathed ones were lucky enough to have an extremely stable and loving family life despite the religion, and they grew up having at least some autonomy and agency over themselves and their lives. Others are damaged but don’t know it, so they just end up taking their special JW-brand of self-righteousness into the real world. They force their viewpoints on others, often without having done any real research of their own, and judge others harshly when they fall short of their expectations. They will take the moral high-ground, cut you off because you don’t agree with them or even throw you under the bus out of a warped sense of ‘doing the right thing’, without any regard to your feelings and likely without even taking the time to listen to your side of the story. They simply cannot see that their present behaviour is the result of a religion they now claim to hate every aspect of.  

Then, there are those who recognise that what we have gone through is a thoroughly abnormal, identity squashing, anxiety producing experience. It was like being in an abusive relationship where it is not your partner who is the jealous, controlling, manipulative, narcissist (although that is highly possible too), but the Governing Body. In a previous article, I covered the top eight ways that being a JW is akin to being in an abusive relationship. As a JW member, we are subjected to extreme levels of coercive control, only we often don’t realise it at the time. People who have been in abusive relationships tend to have low self-esteem, low self-worth, they are anxious and hyper-vigilant, often indecisive, and riddled with guilt for living their own life or trying to put healthy boundaries in place. They can gaslight themselves, blame themselves, have insecure attachment styles, issues with intimacy, and often have symptoms associated with trauma, most likely complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), due to the ongoing, chronic nature of the abuse.

To understand how and why these various issues arise in the context of being a JW, I connected the JW beliefs, practices, and teachings, with the cognitive and behavioural impacts that tend to result. I call this framework ‘the JW cycle of control’. There are five categories of teachings and practices, and each can have relatively distinct negative impacts upon us. Some impacts overlap because there are so many ways to cut and shut the nuances of the JW religion, but I have still found this a helpful way to provide structure to what is a never-ending topic that often loops and twists back on itself, namely: Which JW beliefs lead to what types of impacts?   

In a nutshell – for those who want the TLDR version:

1. Fear based teachings can lead to anxiety and CPTSD type issues.
2. Identity suppression techniques used by the organisation result in you not knowing yourself or having any identity of your own outside of being a JW. A lack of personal identity underpins and exacerbates many of the other negative impacts of being a JW.
3. Reliance on the organisation leads to low self-worth and low self-esteem, and a subsequent inability to trust yourself to make good decisions. It can also lead to a lack of personal boundaries and people pleasing.
4. The JW system of compliance and culture leads to learned helplessness and internalisation of conditional love as normal. It can also cause former members to lack empathy for themselves and others.
5. Loss of the JW system of rewards (everything you live your life for as a JW) can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair after leaving. Everything can seem a bit pointless after being involved in a ‘life and death struggle’ for the ‘battle of Universal Sovereignty’.

And now, the long version:

1. Fear: ‘God & Truth Vs Satan & the World’ type doctrines

‘God & Truth Vs Satan & the World’ type doctrines are an extremely black and white way of thinking, whereby anything associated with the organisation equates to God and Truth, and anything associated with the world equates to Satan and lies. Examples include any world renouncing type of teaching which encourages members to view themselves as separate and different from the world, and the world or anything ‘worldly’ as something to be afraid of. For example:

• ‘You are not part of this world’
• The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one
• Anyone in the world is under Satan’s control (and therefore tainted)
• Satan is roving around like a roaring lion, seeking to devour God’s followers
• Bad things will happen to you if you leave the safety of the organisation
• You need to limit ‘bad associations’
• Do not get attached to anything in this world because it is all ending soon anyway;
• Only we have the ‘Truth’ and God’s blessing
• Only JWs will survive Armageddon
• You must do whatever it takes to be on the ‘right side’ of the ‘battle for Universal Sovereignty’

The purpose of these teachings is to isolate members from any external influences by keeping them fearful of anything that could be considered ‘worldly’. The Governing Body want you to remain inside their sphere of control. Keeping members fearful of anything ‘worldly’, ensures that you stay away from any external events, people, sources of information, and any viewpoints other than theirs. Teachings like this also convince members that the only safe place is within the organisation and bad things will happen if they leave, so they put up with almost anything in order to remain ‘safe’ and ‘loyal’.

The impact of fear based teachings: Constant fear and stress can often lead to anxiety and trauma related symptoms later in life. Underlying all fear-based doctrines is conditional love and an inherent lack of safety. We will only be loved and accepted if we behave a certain way, and the continual stress, fear, and threats to our safety can manifest in a raft of trauma-related symptoms. Here are just a few of the most widely experienced trauma symptoms, as listed in the book ‘You’re not broken: Break free from trauma & reclaim your life’, by Dr Sarah Woodhouse (pp. 223-224):

• Physical sensations such as a racing heart, sweating, tingling, and nausea
• Dissassociation (ie. feeling spacey, floaty and out of your body)
• Being easily startled and jumpy (hyper-vigilance)
• Feeling ‘on guard’ all the time’
• Difficulty sleeping
• Difficulty concentrating
• Racing mind and repetitive thoughts
• Nightmares and night terrors
• Shame or lack of self-worth
• Feeling emotionally numb and shutdown
• Getting easily stressed out
• Intrusive memories, images, thoughts or ‘flashbacks’ related to the past experience
• Consistently negative thoughts and/or feelings about yourself, others and the world
• Abrupt mood swings or consistently low mood
• Avoiding people, places, activities, memories, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the experience.

Because we are anxious we may find that we try to control whatever we can in an attempt to reduce our anxiety. There is a direct link between anxiety and control. As a JW, we handover all power and control to others. When we leave, our underlying anxiety can manifest in us trying to control our environment in ways that are actually not healthy. We may try to force our opinions on others, avoid confrontations because we don’t know how to have respectful debates, or offer unsolicited advice. We may need others to look, act, or be a certain way otherwise we feel there is something wrong.

Living in fear also inhibits our ability to develop critical thinking skills. We have learnt that independent thought can get us killed or bring all sorts of displeasure from our families and God, so we narrow our focus and become too afraid to investigate other points of view.

Fear type teachings also affect our ability to simply relax and enjoy life (shouldn’t we be working or doing something more urgent?!). Underneath this is a persistent belief that none of it matters because it is all going to end soon anyway, and anxiety because we are meant to be on the edge of our seats, not enjoying life!

2. Identity suppression: ‘Putting the kingdom first’ type teachings

JW members are particularly vulnerable to identity suppression because it lessens the fear that the fear-based teachings are designed to induce. Putting the organisation first makes people feel like they are doing something to ensure they are on the ‘right side’ in the battle of ‘Universal Sovereignty’, and might even survive Armageddon, which thereby lessens the fear.

Identity suppression type doctrines are those which encourage us to put the organisation first over everything else. Examples include:

• ‘Put the kingdom first and all other things will be added to you’
• ‘Pummel your body and lead it as a slave’
• ‘ If your right eye is making you stumble, tear it out etc…’ so you can continue to serve God/the organisation
• Don’t be like Baruch and seek ‘great things’ for yourself (because only bad things happen to people who do that)
• Any teaching that encourages members to put off anything they may want to do, achieve, or even feel, now, because they will have all the rewards they could possibly want in the future

Purpose of these teachings: The Governing Body wants all of your time, attention, resources and energy, and teachings like this ensure that you deny your own needs and desires, and suppress your own identity, in order to put them first. The GB needs members to be self-sacrificing and prepared to put their own needs aside to serve the organisation, otherwise, quite simply, none of their ‘work’ would get done. Having members put their own needs first is not at all conducive to doing anything remotely as unproductive as knocking on doors when no one is home, trying to start conversations with people who aren’t interested, really just for the sole purpose of convincing themselves that they have the ‘Truth’. If members put their own needs first, there would be no meetings, no witnessing, no pedalling of literature (or now videos), and no organisation. And without an organisation to lead, the Governing Body would be powerless (and broke).  

Impact: When you suppress your identity, you simply don’t know who you really are, what your needs are, or what you want. You will be out of touch with your emotions and values, and you probably have absolutely no personal boundaries (in fact, you probably don’t even know what they are… ). You may feel irritated at things or situations but you don’t know why (small things challenge your very fragile sense of self, which you likely don’t even realise is being threatened), and you may often feel resentment because you do so much for others (because you have no boundaries or sense of self-protection), then feel unappreciated; and you likely find making decisions extremely difficult.

Being a JW inherently disconnects you from who you really are. In JW speak, it’s called ‘putting on the new personality’. It serves the religion’s purposes to have everyone the same, no one challenging, no one questioning, everyone accepting.

3. Reliance: ‘You need us for salvation’ type teachings

Identity suppression then leads to reliance. If you don’t know who you are you are more open to trusting and relying on others to tell you what is good for you. ‘Reliance’ type teachings are the teachings that convince us that salvation is impossible without the organisation, and there is no way you can do anything without them. Examples include:

• ‘Rely on Jehovah (us). Man cannot be trusted even to direct his step’
• You are the recipient of underserved kindness. Unworthy humans owe their lives to God
• We/the organisation have all the answers. We have the Truth. Why go anywhere else?
• We do the research so you don’t need to (just lap up what we dish out and don’t ask questions)
• Our way is the only way to ‘true happiness’
• If you disobey or disagree with us, you are disobeying or disagreeing with God
• Who are you (insignificant human) to question God the Almighty?
• Without the ‘spiritual food’ we provide, you would be desolate

The purpose of these teachings is to keep you reliant on the organisation for all your information and guidance. The Governing Body want and need you to feel obliged to keep serving God (aka, them), so they constantly trot out this type of propaganda to ensure you remain infantile and dependent on them for all information and decision making. Think of the way a normal parent-child relationship works. The parent wants their child to become independent, learn to think for themselves, and stand on their own two feet. Is that how the organisation portrays God? No. God is apparently a ‘father’ who is so jealous and insecure that he needs us to remain totally reliant on him (oh, and by the way, he will kill you if you don’t do what he wants).

The impact of these teachings are low self-esteem, low self-worth, and a lack of trust in yourself. The underlying message is that you are so worthless that you cannot be trusted to make a decision for yourself, so you must depend on the organisation. These teachings can cause us to feel that we don’t deserve to be here on earth, we don’t deserve basic human rights just for being born, and we certainly don’t deserve to be happy. This often leads to over performing and people pleasing, trying to earn our right to exist. You may act in ways that are ‘extra’ all the time, going above and beyond what you are comfortable with just to gain others approval. You may have no boundaries, be too friendly with people you don’t really know, and generally try to please everyone all the time. You will also likely place unquestioning trust in others and have an inability to identify their motives or spot toxicity in them. Similar to identity suppression teachings, reliance also results in an inability to make decisions.

4. Compliance and cultural norms: The ‘hallmarks’ of God’s people today

Because you are fearful, have no identity of your own, and have become reliant on the organisation, you will inevitably comply with the JW judicial system and go along with all the cultural norms. You do this because you believe that the Governing Body’s ways are God’s ways, so they must be right and in your best interest. The JW system of compliance encompasses all of the ‘sticks’ which ensure members remain obedient, while ‘culture’ refers to all of the cultural norms within the organisation that distinguish ‘God’s people’ and make it difficult to leave or do the ‘wrong thing’. These include, but are not limited to the following:

• The JW judicial system (including committees, reproofs, disfellowshipping etc)
• Shunning and punishment for leaving
• The culture of reporting on others (in Australia: ‘dobbing’)
• The practice of ‘marking’ or being considered ‘inactive’
• The belief that there is no good reason to leave
• The belief that JWs are morally superior to the ‘world’ (and anyone who has left the organisation)
• The belief that if you have doubts you are spiritually weak
• Women need to be in subjection
• LGBTIQ+ suppression and denigration
• JW dress and grooming codes – ensuring you even look different to worldly people
• The belief that if things are easy you are not doing enough
• Urgency in everything – do not relax!!
• The end is coming… soon…

The purpose of all these compliance measures and various cultural norms is to bind JW’s with a common identity: them against the world, the ‘clean’ worshippers of God versus anything which is ‘unclean’. The levels of scrutiny, surveillance, and control, and the disastrous consequences if you fall foul of the system, make it as hard as possible to leave the organisation. Numbers are everything to the Governing Body, and there is no question that it is a very effective system. How many people are we aware of or even know personally that are physically in but mentally out (PIMO)?

Impacts: Those of us who do manage to leave are at risk of being limited by ‘learned helplessness’ as a result of being part of this toxic system for so long. ‘Learned helplessness’ is a situation where you feel so disempowered after being kept under such tight control, that after the restrictions are gone you still can’t recognise all of the ways you can now break free. Once you leave you continue to limit yourself, and hold yourself accountable to a system of thoughts or behaviours which are no longer serving you. This can take the form of not seeing various opportunities which come your way, shutting down certain types of conversations because they make you feel uncomfortable and you simply don’t know how to deal with them, feeling strongly about something without being able to logically explain why, and just doing things a certain way because that is the way you have always done it.

Another impact of toxic JW compliance and culture is that we may lack empathy both for ourselves and others. We have been in an environment where expectations were extremely high and we had absolutely no empathy shown to us. Because we have no self-worth anyway, we can’t even show empathy to ourselves, let alone others. We may be also judgemental of others because this is all we know: a judgemental religion where you can expect consequences if you don’t behave in a certain way.

As with fear-based teachings, the system of compliance and JW culture fosters conditional love. You are only loved and accepted if you are a certain way, otherwise, expect punishment, sidelining, and eventually, everlasting death. The risk for us who leave is that we may have internalised that conditional love is normal. Conditional love conditions us to believe that we are not worthy to be loved for just being ‘us’. We need to do more, be more, achieve more, to be deserving of love. Conditional love fosters a lack of safety and acceptance, which contributes to the development of anxiety, CPTSD, and depression. We may accidentally take our judgemental attitudes and conditional love into other relationships in our lives. We may even be a bit like the ex JWs described at the outset.

5. JW system of rewards: If you do everything right, you will be blessed

The JW way of life comes with a system of rewards which are essentially the ‘carrots’ given to members for doing the right thing. Receiving them is a sign of Gods (the Governing Body’s) approval. The JW system of rewards includes but is not limited to:

• Status and privileges within congregation/organisation
• The satisfaction of ‘pleasing God’
• Maintaining contact with your friends and family who are JWs
• Having access to a worldwide ‘brotherhood’
• Living forever in paradise on earth
• Seeing dead loved ones again/resurrection
• The ‘blessing’ of a ‘good conscience’
• Bringing the ‘Truth’ to others
• Saving mankind!
• Supporting the Almighty in the ‘battle for Universal Sovereignty’

Purpose: All of these rewards can be withheld if members go against the direction of the Governing Body, which is an extremely strong incentive for remaining within the organisation. These rewards are essentially the sole purpose of your life when a JW. So what happens when we leave?

Impacts: Rewards like this are extremely hard to replace.  How can anything compete with a life and death struggle to be on the ‘right side’ in the battle for universal sovereignty? It is such a black and white way to live and the ‘rewards’ seem assured providing you follow the right formula.  Despite now knowing that it was all based on lies, after we leave everything else can still seem a bit pointless.

It takes a long time to develop your own system of rewards, and by this I mean finding your new purpose in life. Finding what makes you feel content, satisfied, and fulfilled. Finding meaning.

You may languish and flounder, not quite sure what to do with your spare time, then feel guilty for not being productive. Be kind to yourself. Right now, you are dealing with the fact that your entire system of beliefs and everything which gave your life meaning has been ripped away from you. You are probably also dealing with the loss of friends and family who were previously your closest supporters. You may feel betrayed, angry, and resentful. Good or bad, be assured that this is all normal.

Great. So I’m a basket-case. What next?

I totally agree that this article may seem a bit bleak. Unfortunately though, understanding how being a JW has affected us is the first step to building a happy and satisfying life after leaving. You may have experienced some, none, all, or a variation of the types of impacts discussed here. The most important thing is understanding. Understanding where you are at, so you can then work out where to go from here, what to tackle next, and how. And remember, you are not alone!

Recovery priority #1: Get to know yourself

In my next article I’m going to delve into the number one thing which will help you heal after you leave: Getting to know yourself.

As JWs we were not allowed to develop a sense of our own identity. Knowing who you are, your values and principles, what you like and don’t like, what you want for your life and who you want to spend it with, in the absence of influence from the religion, will underpin your healing process and help address many of the impacts identified in this article. For example:

• Anxiety and trauma related issues: If you know yourself, your boundaries, and situations you struggle in, you will be able to manage your anxiety more effectively. You can develop a sense of safety within yourself.
• Low self-worth and low self-esteem: If you know your own worth, and value yourself for who you are because you now know who that actually is, your self-worth and self-esteem will grow as a by-product. You will learn to respect your boundaries and not violate them just to please others.  
• Judgementalism and conditional love: If you know and accept yourself for who you are, you will be more able to accept and love others for who they are too.
• Learned helplessness: If you know yourself, where you are going and what you want, you will trust yourself and feel empowered to make the right decisions for you.
• Losing your purpose in life (your system of rewards): If you know yourself, what you like and what makes you feel content, fulfilled, and satisfied, you will be able to replace the rewards from the JW way of life with rewards from a new way of life which you have chosen for yourself.

Thanks for being here beautiful readers and hope to see you again soon :o)